Happy Earth Day! Now cover your ears.

Here's a little bit of singable prose in honor of Earth Day, National Poetry Month, and Accretionary Wedge #8. (A disclaimer: I am definitely not a poet. Read or sing aloud at your own risk.)

To the tune of "The Major General's Song":

I am the very model of a young environmentalist,
I've signed enough petitions to wear out the tendons in my wrist,
I know the ways to turn my house into a green and clean abode,
And I covet all the hybrid cars that I see humming down the road;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters of the atmosphere,
I'm nervous that we're losing all the ozone in the stratosphere,
About the global warming trend I've listened to a lot o' news,
And worried that the rising seas will raise demand for rubber shoes.

I'm very good at turning out the lights when I leave home each day;
For reused glass and cans and plastic products I am apt to pay:
At work when I see paper in the trash I'm likely to get pissed,
I am the very model of a young environmentalist.

I compost scraps and strew my lawn with decomposed banana peels;
My feet are shod in bamboo cloth and soled with bits of semi wheels,
I quote from pamphlets mailed to me in droves by the Sierra Club,
And never think of using bleach or solvents when I clean my tub;
I scoff at people in the West whose water goes to golfing greens,
I always use the cold rinse cycle, not just when I'm washing jeans,
I give thumbs up to lights equipped with CFLs and LEDs,
And absolutely nothing makes me happier than hugging trees.

Then I write letters faithfully to senators and congressfolk,
And say that dire warnings on the state of Earth are not a joke:
In short, my future home's good health should be on top of every list,
I am the very model of a young environmentalist.



Now that song is going to be stuck in my head all day.