Friday, December 28, 2007

Rain w/intermittent volcanoes

I've just found my new favorite website of the moment. It's "Science Made Stupid", and it's an abridged version of a book by the same name (written by Tom Weller in 1985). Unfortunately, the book isn't in print (though it is available through used-book purveyors), but the website certainly gives you a good idea of how absolutely hilarious the book is. I love the geologic time scale provided in the "Tables and Charts" section:

Geologic Ages and Events
in millions
of years
5000AtonalRocksMountain ranges upthrust; continents form
CatatonicGree slimeEarthquakes and volcanoes
ProphylacticGreen slime w/ orange spotsVolcanoes and earthquakes
AccordianSeashellsTorrential rains
425PedestrianMore seashellsThunder and lightning
360FreudianSlimy thingsMore rain
325ArtesianSlimy things w/ tentaclesMore thunder and lightning
280PestiferousNasty crawly thingsMore rain, oceans form
230ObstreperousLots of nasty crawly thingsRain w/ intermittent volcanoes
CrypticBig warty thingsSwamps form
165StypticReally big warty thingsHot, drifting continents
135CreosoteWarty things too big; start overEven hotter, lots of mosquitoes
ObsceneLittle hairy animalsCooler, 20% chance of comets
UglysceneBig hairy animalsWindy, small continent warning
39VaselineAnimals w/ silly hornsCold, w/ night and morning glaciers
28ListerineAnimals that don't understand
about tar pits
Fair inland, patchy fog near coast
12OvaltineShree trewsGreat weekend for a barbecue
1PlasticineFirst homonymsSmog alert
years ago
RecentModern person;
first Republicans
Freeways upthrust; suburbs form
minutes ago
Very recentComputer nerds emergeFast-food chains develop

Gotta watch out for those warty things. Actually, this reminds me of Uncyclopedia's Geologic Time Scale page, which enjoyed a brief popularity in my undergrad geology department. "BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC" was the new answer of choice that semester for people who had trouble remembering geologic eras. (I also highly recommend the Geologist entry, which I and many of my classmates contributed to. If I remember correctly, I'm responsible for the part under "How to Spot a Geologist" about outcrops and 8-lane highways. Memories.)

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