In the Humorous Vein #14

I'm still getting ready for the semester here, so at the suggestion of A Lifelong Scholar, I'm resurrecting an old series I was working on and giving you a humorous interlude. (This is one of the photos from my travels this summer; can anyone guess where it was taken?)

In the Humorous Vein #13

Can't let these die - everyone else has a weekly feature, and I need something to waste time on when I'm supposed to be teaching myself MATLAB.

This was one of the funniest things I've ever seen at the top of a mountain. I have to wonder if anyone ever told the benchmark-installers that they forgot something...

My next self-indulgence...

...might have to be this t-shirt.

"God's Volcano Project" from BustedTees

When I saw the title, I immediately thought, "Obviously they're talking about the God from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and he's going to bust out with 'I TOLD YOU PEOPLE TO QUIT WITH THE PSALMS!'"

In the Humorous Vein #12

Wow, I'm really overdue for one of these. Since I've been talking more about life than geology nowadays:


This one's actually a photo I took at Niagara Falls last weekend. That bird was, no lie, napping. I guess if you've got wings, huge waterfalls and precariously positioned rocks don't bother you all that much.

In the Humorous Vein #11

In the Humorous Vein #10

In the Humorous Vein #9

Blogging will be a bit (more) sparse in the next two weeks, as I'm escaping the heat and humidity of NOVA to go to...Costa Rica. (Hmm. Perhaps this plan would work better if I hadn't chosen to escape to a tropical country...)

I'm not sure if I'll be able to post while I'm there, but I'll be back with fantastic volcano photos! In the meantime, I'm going to set up a few posts to go live while I'm away. Comments may be delayed until I get back home, but feel free to post 'em anyway.

And, back on its regular Sunday schedule:

In the Humorous Vein #8

In the Humorous Vein #7

Everything I need to know in life, I learned on geo field trips

Can you tell I'd rather be in the field than at a desk right now?

Maybe in a few weeks. But in the meantime, because it's Friday and it's fun to make lists, I thought I'd go through some of the useful things I've learned in the field - mostly through personal experience or helping bandage up someone else who didn't learn them fast enough. (Fortunately none of them required hospitalization, but considering that I'll be working with active Guatemalan volcanoes next year, it's only a matter of time :)

• Dry streambeds are great for hiking in. That said, if it rains - even for just a few minutes - get the hell out of the streambed.
• Don't jump over something (log, rock, etc.) if you can't see the other side of it. You could land on a snake/beehive/marmot/other grudge-holding critter.
• Don't hike on volcanic rocks while wearing shorts.
• If you're hiking on fresh lava flows, always wear heavy gloves unless you like picking volcanic glass out of your hands.
• Scotch makes a pretty good anesthetic when you're picking volcanic glass out of your hands. (Taken orally, of course.)
  
• If you're on shelly pahoehoe, you're going to fall in sometime.
  
• Don't wear synthetic clothing when you're going near active lava flows, and don't stand or leave your pack too long in one place.
• Duct tape can be used for backpack, shoe, car, cooking pot, clothing, and occasionally skin repair.
  
• Don't EVER go out into the desert on a 110-in-the-shade-day with a single 20-oz water bottle and then ask your hiking partners for their extra water.
• Hammer tent pegs into the ground with the points TOWARD your tent.
  
• Liberal use of Febreeze can almost counteract the effects of a week with no laundry facilities. Use it on the vans too (the rental people will thank you).
• Don't eat pink snow.
• If your professor is capable of running marathons, don't try to beat him at capture-the-flag.
  
• Don't put water in a hot pan (especially if there's fat or oil in it), and don't put a hot pan into water.
  
• Honey can be used in place of antibiotic cream. If getting the honey requires subsequent application of antibiotics to bee stings, don't bother.
• If a moose wants to eat your Hint-of-Lime Doritos, let it.
• Tarantulas can move pretty damn fast if they want to.
• That cute, innocent looking cactus is perfectly capable of putting a spine through your boot into your big toe.
• Cactus tastes like kiwi fruit.
• Don't listen to your adviser if he says "You should ford the river there, it looks pretty shallow."
• Spam should only be eaten in an emergency.
• Store-brand Spam tastes better than name-brand.
• Bits of ash fall deposits explode beautifully on impact.
• Nighttime swimming in sea-urchin infested waters is bad for your feet.
  
• Duplex cookies are second only to fresh blueberry pie as the ultimate field trip dessert.
  
• Tuna fish and Duplex cookies do not mix.
• Don't let inebriated underclassmen run off with the satellite phone, even if it does have unlimited minutes. (Especially if it has unlimited minutes.)
• Sitting directly on top of a hot spring usually results in A) burns in inconvenient places or B) bruises from people trying to shove you off the source of warm water.
• In some places, it's good to be a wine snob, because it's cheaper than the beer.
• It is possible to get excellent phone reception while standing on top of an erupting volcano.
• Field clothing is not really appropriate for traversing the lobby of the Bellagio.
• It's not really an illegal border crossing if you're only there for a few minutes.
• Trout is excellent breakfast food.
• Real men don't wear "pink" - they wear "desert rose".

So let's have em, everybody. What are the pearls of wisdom you've picked up from fieldwork? (If you've picked up actual pearls, that counts as well.)

In the Humorous Vein #6

In the Humorous Vein #5

In the Humorous Vein #4

In the Humorous Vein #3

In the Humorous Vein #2

For all those of you out there who are going through the ordeal once more - and that includes grading - I salute you. (And next year, I'm going to be joining you on both fronts!)

Although it's nice that, for the first time in four years, I'm not taking a final on my birthday.

In the Humorous Vein #1

I remember when those motivational posters (you know, the kind with "Challenge" or "Overcoming Obstacles" and an uplifting quote) were really popular, especially in schools. Maybe some people liked having those around; they always made me gag. I prefer the really sarcastic kind better. Like Mediocrity. Or Pressure. Or Tradition. (And, because I'm a Trek fan, I'm particularly partial to these. )

So naturally I figured the geoblogosphere could use some posters of their own. Maybe I'll make this a Sunday thing, since I can never remember to do a Friday Field Foto.

Here's Geo Insights poster #1!

Very punny

Here's an offering from lolscience:

(Courtesy of ancientscripts)

Rain w/intermittent volcanoes

I've just found my new favorite website of the moment. It's "Science Made Stupid", and it's an abridged version of a book by the same name (written by Tom Weller in 1985). Unfortunately, the book isn't in print (though it is available through used-book purveyors), but the website certainly gives you a good idea of how absolutely hilarious the book is. I love the geologic time scale provided in the "Tables and Charts" section:

Geologic Ages and Events

TIME (BP) in millions of years	ERA/EPOCH		LIFE FORMS	GEOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTS
5000	Atonal		Rocks	Mountain ranges upthrust; continents form
3000	PRECOCIOUS
	Catatonic		Gree slime	Earthquakes and volcanoes
	Prophylactic		Green slime w/ orange spots	Volcanoes and earthquakes
505	ORTHOPEDIC
	Accordian		Seashells	Torrential rains
425	Pedestrian		More seashells	Thunder and lightning
360	Freudian		Slimy things	More rain
325	Artesian		Slimy things w/ tentacles	More thunder and lightning
280	Pestiferous		Nasty crawly things	More rain, oceans form
230	Obstreperous		Lots of nasty crawly things	Rain w/ intermittent volcanoes
205	METATARSAL
	Cryptic		Big warty things	Swamps form
165	Styptic		Really big warty things	Hot, drifting continents
135	Creosote		Warty things too big; start over	Even hotter, lots of mosquitoes
75	CRETINOUS
	Obscene		Little hairy animals	Cooler, 20% chance of comets
	Uglyscene		Big hairy animals	Windy, small continent warning
39	Vaseline		Animals w/ silly horns	Cold, w/ night and morning glaciers
28	Listerine		Animals that don't understand about tar pits	Fair inland, patchy fog near coast
12	Ovaltine		Shree trews	Great weekend for a barbecue
1	Plasticine		First homonyms	Smog alert
25,000 years ago	Recent		Modern person; first Republicans	Freeways upthrust; suburbs form
15 minutes ago	Very recent		Computer nerds emerge	Fast-food chains develop

Gotta watch out for those warty things. Actually, this reminds me of Uncyclopedia's Geologic Time Scale page, which enjoyed a brief popularity in my undergrad geology department. "BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC" was the new answer of choice that semester for people who had trouble remembering geologic eras. (I also highly recommend the Geologist entry, which I and many of my classmates contributed to. If I remember correctly, I'm responsible for the part under "How to Spot a Geologist" about outcrops and 8-lane highways. Memories.)